Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

I had run out of hope.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

I was tired of fighting.

Does a person with schizophrenia hear voices?

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Two Ocean Bands Are Warming Faster Than Ever — What This Means for Our Climate - The Daily Galaxy

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

I was tired of trying and failing.

Should You Do Cardio or Weights First? We Finally Have an Answer. - ScienceAlert

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

And the sadness?

Logitech’s new iPad case has a compact removable wireless keyboard - The Verge

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

What are some difficulties in a JEE aspirant's life?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

You are like me, then.

Be who you already are.

Non distinctio minus inventore tempora repudiandae mollitia.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

Ryu Ga Gotoku Studio's Project Century Gets A Strange New Title - GameSpot

It’s still here.

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Aaron Judge's 469-Foot Home Run in Kansas City Left Baseball World in Disbelief - Sports Illustrated

The sadness was still there.

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

Why are so many US conservatives in this day and age still against racial mixing? They won't say it in public, but they are still against the mixing between Blacks and whites? Why?

It’s here now, writing to you.

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.